did I cross that road?
Psychic Chicken Tshirt Contest Entries:
Ya have to be my FB friend to enter! (Look for Ruprecht Roosterdamus on Facebook.)
Linda Park: "Cause they were giving away free Psychic Chicken Tshirt on the other side ... D'oh!"
"Uhmmmm what *burp* chicken?"
Chelle Dell: "Because it was shady on the other side and he was starting to smell like Kentucky Fried Chicken."
Jamie Kennedy Hornbaker: "He couldn't resist a pair of spicy wings on the other side."
Kerrice Mapes: "To get a little sauced (and your friendly Ranch or Honey Mustard isn’t going to do the trick.)"
The list of
answers below was originally sent to me by Hope Bates, a true Psychic
Chicken™ believer. I've added a few of my own and a lot of
great submissions from my loyal minions.
E-mail a good one and I'll add it here (makes
ya my minion but ya were anyway, Bucko, so get over it
The list is alphabetical
by last name so take a minute and scroll down to find yer
Original contributors: Carol
Provoncha, Laura McKeown, Debra Lamb-Deans, Ken Kopin,
Edward Suttor, Eli and Jennifer Ofenstein, Maras Harral,
Andy McCranie, Jon Carnes, Michael Gabbard and J.
- Douglas Adams: It
- Douglas Adams
- Aristotle: To actualize
- Neil Armstrong: That's
one small crossing for chicken, one giant leap for
- John Ashcroft:
to trample the U.S. Constitution.
- Robert Asprin: It was a
- Roseanne Barr: Urrrrrp.
- Roland Barthes: The
chicken wanted to expose the myth of the road.
- Leopold Bloom: Wonder
why chickens cross roads. Must be some law.
- Mrs Marion Bloom:
- Molly Bloom: the
chicken crossed the road well Poldy I dont know why why
do you worry about such stupid bloody things O speaking
of stupid bloody things here it comes again damn it its
only been three weeks I wonder is there something wrong
with me yes
- Erma Bombeck: Because
the grass is always greener on the other side silly!
- Buddha: If you ask this
question, you deny your own chicken-nature.
- George Bush: To face a
kinder, gentler thousand points of headlights.
- George W. Bush: To
avoid questions about drugs and promiscuous sex and where I was partying
instead of doing my duty in the Texas Air National Guard, I mean,
avoiding service in Viet Nam. And cause my daddy said I get to
the votes, it’s who counts them!
- Julius Caesar: To come,
to see, to conquer.
- Candide: To cultivate
- Bill the Cat: Oop
- Dick Cheney: To
give Halliburton another 2 or 3 billion dollars of taxpayer
money and to vote against Head Start and Medicare and oops -
I forgot - I
until November... NO COMMENT!
- President Clinton: The
chicken crossed the road because the bridge to the 21st
century is still under construction.
- Joseph Conrad: Mistah
Chicken, he dead.
- Howard Cosell: It may
very well have been one of the most astonishing events to
grace the annals of history. An historic, unprecedented
avian biped with the temerity to attempt such an
herculean achievement formerly relegated to homo sapien
pedestrians is truly a remarkable occurence.
- Salvador Dali: The
- Rodney Dangerfield:
Because it didn't get no respect!
- Darwin: It was the
logical next step after coming down from the trees.
- Paul de Man: The
chicken did not really cross the road because one side
and the other are not really opposites in the first
- Paul de Man: (uncovered
after his death) So no one would find out it wrote for a
collaborationist Belgian newspaper during the early years
of World War II.
- Thomas Dequincy:
Because it ran out of opium.
- Jacques Derrida: What
is the difference? The chicken was merely deferring from
one side of the road to other. And how do we get the idea
of the chicken in the first place? Does it exist outside
- Rene Descartes: It had
sufficient reason to believe it was dreaming anyway.
- Emily Dickinson:
Because it could not stop for death.
- Bob Dole: Bob Dole says
because he fell off the stage and landed across the
- Bob Dylan: How many
roads must one chicken cross?
- Albert Einstein: Did
the chicken cross the road, or did the road move under
the chicken? It's all relative, you see.
- TS Eliot: Weialala leia
/ Wallala leialala.
- TS Eliot (revisited):
Do I dare to cross the road?
- Elvis:To get rockin' in
the chicken-house rock! Thank ya, thank ya very much!
- Epicurus: For fun.
- Paul Erdos: It was
forced to do so by the chicken-hole principle.
- Ralph Waldo Emerson: It
didn't cross the road; it transcended it.
- William Faulkner: A
slight hesitation perhaps may have prevented, or, at
least, lessened the disaster that ensued, and might even
have produced an outcome that would have resulted in a
safe crossing, had the chicken, perhaps, not abandoned
all thought of possible consequences, even though none
could predict the end that came to be.
- Basil Fawlty: Oh, don't
mind that chicken. It's from Barcelona.
- Gerald R. Ford: It
probably fell from an airplane and couldn't stop its
- Michel Foucault: It did
so because the dicourse of crossing the road left it no
choice-the police state was oppressing it.
- Sigmund Freud: The
chicken obviously was female and obviously interpreted
the pole on which the crosswalk sign was mounted as a
phallic symbol of which she was envious,
- Robert Frost: To cross
the road less traveled by.
- Zsa Zsa Gabor: It
probably crossed to get a better look at my legs, which,
thank goodness, are good, dahling.
- Bill Gates: It doesn't
matter since I'll soon own the chicken, the road and the
air you're breathing to ask the question.
- Gilligan: The traffic
started getting rough; the chicken had to cross. If not
for the plumage of its peerless tail the chicken would be
lost. The chicken would be lost!
- Newt Gingrich: It was
in the Contract with Chickens. Or maybe to borrow money
from Bob Dole to pay for lying to Congress. Your
- Johann Friedrich von
Goethe: The eternal hen-principle made it do it.
- Al Gore: To
keep thousands of Blacks from voting in Florida? Wait, that was
- Ernest Hemingway: To
die. In the rain.
- Werner Heisenberg: We
are not sure which side of the road the chicken was on,
but it was moving very fast.
- David Hume: Out of
custom and habit.
- Saddam Hussein: This
was an unprovoked act of rebellion and we were quite
justified in dropping 50 tons of nerve gas on it (supplied to us
by George Bush, Sr.)
- Lee Iacocca: It found a
better car, which was on the other side of the road.
- James Joyce: To forge
in the smithy of its soul the uncreated conscience of its
- James Joyce: Once upon
a time a nicens little chicken named baby tuckoo crossed
the road and met a moocow coming down...
- Immanuel Kant: Because
it was a duty.
- Jack Kemp: Because he'd
do anything to get on the ticket.
- John Paul Jones: It has
not yet begun to cross!
- Martin Luther King: It
had a dream.
- James Tiberius Kirk: To
boldly go where no chicken has gone before.
- Jacques Lacan: Because
of its desire for object a.
- Mrs. Lamb (Debra's
mom): To see Gregory Peck.
- Stan Laurel: I'm sorry,
Ollie. It escaped when I opened the run.
- Leda: Are you sure it
wasn't Zeus dressed up as a chicken? He's into that kind
of thing, you know.
- Gottfried Von Leibniz:
In this best possible world, the road was made for it to
- G. Gordon Liddy: What
do you think I am? An informant? Throw me in jail for all
I care but I will not answer that question!
- G. Gordon Liddy
(revisited): How much? $10? Sure, I'll talk. Well
you see there were these guys - Cubans I think - and well
I knew them from the Ellsberg thing so when RN says we
should get over there and bug the Democratic HQ naturally
I was just the guy to get the job done. Bungled it of
course but who knew it would bring down the whole rotten
mess? Shoulda shot Dean like I wanted and nothing would
of come of any of it.
- Joseph Lieberman: To
avoid being likened to the Republicans of course. (Saying
I'm like George W. is like saying a veterinarian and a
taxidermist are alike because either way, you get your
- Rush Limbaugh:
Liberals, liberals, liberals, liberals, liberals,
liberals, liberals...er what was the question again? Oh,
and don't worry about sunscreen - the ozone's fine, trust
me - it's just a commie plot to keep you off the beaches
so they can invade us and take over our national parks.
I'M SO LONLEY. WHY DON'T PEOPLE LISTEN TO ME
- Rush Limbaugh (revisited): Drug
offenders should rot in jail, they’re a danger to society and
we have to lock them up and throw away the key... uh, wait a
minute... let me think about that for a moment...
- Groucho Marx: Chicken?
What's all this talk about chicken? Why, I had an uncle
who thought he was a chicken. My aunt almost divorced
him, but we needed the eggs.
- Karl Marx: To escape
the bourgeois middle-class struggle.
- Dr. McCoy (Bones): He's
dead, Jim. I'm a Doctor, Dammit, not a traffic cop for
- Ol' McDonald: Here a
chicken, there a chicken, everywhere a chicken,
- Marshall McLuhan: The
chicken is the road.
- Gregor Mendel: To get
various strains of roads.
- John Milton: To justify
the ways of God to men.
- Moses: Know ye that it
is unclean to eat the chicken that has crossed the road,
and that the chicken that crosseth the road doth so for
its own preservation.
- Fox Mulder: It didn't
cross on its own - it was abducted.
- Eddie Murphy: To get to
the *!@#$ other side
- Alfred E. Neumann:
What? Me worry?
- Sir Isaac Newton:
Chickens at rest tend to stay at rest. Chickens in motion
tend to cross the road.
- Jack Nicholson: 'Cause
it (censored) wanted to. That's the (censored)
- Richard Nixon: I am not
a chicken! (Did we get that on tape?)
- Noah (the Ark guy): So
THAT's where he was!
- Camille Paglia: It was
drawn by the subconscious chthonian power of the feminine
which men can never understand, to cross the road and
focus itself on its task. Hens are not capable of doing
this-their minds do not work that way. Feminism tries
vainly to pretend there is no real difference between
them, falsely following Rousseau. But de Sade has
- Thomas Paine: Out of
- Michael Palin: Nobody
expects the banished inky chicken!
- Wolfgang Pauli: There
already was a chicken on the other side of the road.
- Robert Plant: It was
crossing the stairway to heaven...
- Edgar Allen Poe: To
escape from the sinking or the swelling in the anger of
the bells--of the bells, bells, bells, bells, bells,
- Colin Powell: I’m
sorry, I can’t answer that question - Dick Cheney hasn’t told
me what to say yet.
- Pyrrho the Skeptic:
- Monty Python: Which
chicken? Do you mean a South African Chicken or a South
African Grey Chicken? It makes a difference, you see,
because a South African Chicken can carry a coconut on
it's back while it crosses, but a South African Grey
Chicken is much smaller, and therefore, of course, as a
natural consequence, cannot carry a coconut...
- Dan Quayle: It wuz
luuking for chikken vaalues.
- Ayn Rand: It was
crossing the road because of its own rational choice to
do so. There cannot be a collective unconscious; desires
are unique to each individual.
- Ronald Reagan: I
- Condoleezza Rice: To find my
mythical weapons of mass destruction.
- Georg Friedrich
Riemann: The answer appears in Dirichlet's
- ANDY ROONEY: Did you
ever notice that the chicken is always crossing the road?
What's with that? And what's so great about the other
side of the road anyway? You never see the chicken just
happy to stay where it's at do you? I think it has
something to do with the Teamsters...
- Donald Rumsfeld: To
invade with too few troops and no real plan!
- Carl Sagan: Such a
crossing was inevitable. With billions of chickens and
billions of roads in the Universe, I wonder how many
billions of crossings have occurred over the last billion
- Colonel Sanders: Who
cares? He was just a drop in the bucket.
- Dana Sculley: Mulder,
there could be any number of perfectly normal reasons for
- O.J. Simpson: I drove
by that chicken in my Broncho, but I didn't run him over.
That chicken blood musta been planted by a racist
- Dr. Seuss:
They wish to be on the other side.
This is a fact they do not hide.
This is a fact.
This is so true.
Crossing roads is what chickens do.
What is there?
They do not know.
They want to know,
therefore, they go.
- Brittney Spears:
Because it needed a new sergeon of course. (You know i
was thinking of getting my lips done myself and ....)
- John Sununu: The Air
Force was only too happy to provide the transportation,
so quite understandably the chicken availed himself of
- Mr. Scott: 'Cos ma wee
transporter beam was na functioning properly. Ah canna
work miracles, Captain!
- William Shakespeare: I
don't know why, but methinks I could rattle off a
hundred-line soliloquy without much ado.
- Sisyphus: Was it
pushing a rock, too?
- Socrates: To pick up
some hemlock at the corner druggist.
- Albert Speer: He was
just following orders.
- The Sphinx: You tell
- George Stephanopoulos
(revisitied): Why did the chicken cross the road?
Because... excuse me? Yes it's true that White Water and
Watergate have the word "water" in them but that's pretty
thin isn't it? Now back to the chicken... pardon? Yes,
you are correct that plumbers do occasionally work with
water but Nixon's plumbers weren't really plumbers now
were they? Anyway, we believe the chicken crossed the
road because... I'm sorry? No, President Clinton hasn't
ordered anyone to break-in anywhere or have the IRS audit
his "enemies" or trampled the Constitution - and frankly,
even if he had, he wouldn't be stupid enough to record it
all and then try to erase the tapes to hide his
We believe the chicken crossed
the road to avoid another round of vindictive
money-squandering Senate hearings on White Water.
- High School Student: Do
I have to write a paper on this?
- Mr. T: If you saw me
coming you'd cross the road too!
- Margaret Thatcher:
There was no alternative.
- Dylan Thomas: To not go
(sic) gentle into that good night.
- Henry David Thoreau: To
live deliberately ... and suck all the marrow out of
- J.R.R. Tolkien: One
Road to rule them all, one Road to find them, one Road to
bring them all, and in the darkness bind them...
- Mark Twain: The news of
its crossing has been greatly exaggerated.
- Darth Vader: Never
underestimate the power of the dark side of the road.
- George Washington:
Actually it crossed the Delaware with me back in 1776.
But most history books don't reveal that I bunked with a
birdie during the duration.
- Mae West: I invited it
to come up and see me sometime.
- Walt Whitman: To cluck
the song of itself.
- Woodstock (Snoopy's bird
friend): " ''' ' " ' "" ''''
- William Wordsworth: To
have something to recollect in tranquility.
- X Files:
- Molly Yard: It was a
- Yoda: The chicken feels
The Force. The chicken crosses or does not cross the
road, MMM? Then a Jedi chicken is he.
- Henny Youngman: Take
this chicken ... please.
- Zeno of Elea: To prove
it could never reach the other side.
still here? Scram!